2002-05-20, 10:17 p.m.
I don't know who I was kidding. My thoughts are racing. I can't type straight. I cant think straight.
I am ready to exploade. I am ready to be dropped, broken, and shattered all over this shit world. I am being stepped on carelessly. I am being that small piece of glass in someones foot that goes "shit" -pluck- its out. im gone. i scream. i shattered the class room, the students. i kick. i scream. they drag me out. pour cold water over me. pour my own blood over me.
who am i? im in the wall. melting into a milky white s ubstane thats disappearing into white. into nothing. into black. into sin. into insane. i cannot think straight.
what the fuck am i talking about?
i thought i was different. HAH! i laugh out loud now. i thought it was special. what a joke. what a big fucking joke. what emptiness, pain, loneliness, yearning. what fear of nothing.
i wake up and throw the covers off of me and sceram. they are attacking me. strangeling me. trying to make me afraid. i stare awake. i stare at the covers. wait for them to make their move.
SHIT what was that? my hair..something is attacking me in my hair.
i wake up..clumps of hair gone.
losing it. losing it. losing it. who am i. where am i. what am i doing tommorow?
fuck.
im tied up. im tied up and being chewed on by millions of rats. the world is spinning.
i fall inside.