2002-06-16, 10:27 p.m.
public purging = bad
Tonight was bad.
my dad is trying to get me out of the house so he invited me along to this Father's day dinner with him and my mom. I didn't want to say no because its Father's day.
So we go and immediatly my mother is ticking me off even on the car ride up. But I tried to stay calm. We walk into a VERY crowded Market Boiler, give our name, my mom sits down on these chairs and my dad and I sit on these cushiony chairs and she screams across the freaking waiting area "ED I SAVED YOU A SPOT OVER HERE!" i just glared at her hoping I could will her to shut up. Finally she came over and squished next to me and I told her not to yell in public areas. Then she moved over and sat next to my dad when a spot opened up. my dad kept trying to talk to me and she'd lean over in the middle of our conversation and say "HUH?" and my dad would say "we're not talking to you" and she was like "well Im here too..blah de blah." So finally i just got up and went to the bathroom before I started to scream.
We finally sat down. I planned everything out. I'd goto the bathroom after my soup and bread and purge, then I'd go after my Calamari when we were leaving. Well then I decided I'll have bread and soup and thats it.
So after I eat the bread, I goto the bathroom, try to wait for people to leave, give up, leave the stall. wash my hands. people leave, enter the stall. Try. nothing. I panic. I reliazed I didnt drink anything for awhile and bread is really hard to get up without it. Ack. I sit back down, panicky. I eat my soup. I can't leave again. Im paniced. I argue with my mother. I am upset. I am full. I am fat. I am upset. I am crying. I eat half of my calamari, say something called me, exusce myself, and purge till I got little crumbs of bread. *sigh* I hate me. I hate this. I want to eat. I'm hungry. At first this was a choice...now its tooken over.
On a lighter note, I want Klif. Here. With me. Holding me. Letting me know everything will be alright. I want to snuggle up to him, watch a movie, giggle, poke eachother, what not( o.O ) Heh. Feh. So far away. 39 days till I see him. Oi.