2002-07-03, 6:33 p.m.
100...99...98. tick tick tick. Down I go. Im suprised to be 98 this morning but I guess when I'm purging I'm getting a lot more out because I binged like CRAZY yesterday. I must've ate well over 6000 calories. But I purged 5 or 6 times too. And I woke up expecting to still be 99 but was pleasently suprised with 98. It's weird but this was my goal weight for so long and now that I'm here I don't feel any different.
No one has even noticed my weight loss. Well, one person has. She keeps asking me why Im losing so much weight and I just stare at her blankly like "what-in-the-world-are-you-talking-about?" I'd be very excited to see 97 on the scale tommorow but I'm doubtful. I ate a ton again today. Probably 3000 calories. I purged it all too. So we'll see what the scale brings. Right now fully clothed it says 99 so its looking doubtful.
my therapist noticed a blood stain on my shirt. eep. note to selF: don't pick scabs on arms before seeing therapist. he asked to see my arms and noticed a lot of my cuts are infected. He cleaned them up for me with a first aide kit in his office.
i celebrated my purging *groan* with two slashes on each wrist.
i hate this. but i dont know what else to do.