2002-10-06, 8:49 a.m.
I'm fucking pissed.
pissed is an understatement. How does one go from 97 3 consecutive mornings up to 99.5 in one? I'm tired of everything being so random and unpredictable. I eat enough to feed a huge family for the day, purge 4 or 5 times, and I lose. I eat nothing, and I gain. I b/p late at night and I lose, I b/p late at night and I gain. NOTHING is fucking working. I don't know what makes me gain and what makes me lose. It's all fucking random and I'm tired of it. I don't want to be fucking nearly 100 lbs. I'm getting laxatives after or before church if I have time. I will take 7. The most I've taken is 5 but I will take 7 and I don't care if I'm on the fucking toilet all day I will not be 99.5lbs today. I will be 97 again. Why can't I find a way to lose and use that and always have it work?
This is all shit.