2004-07-21, 7:19 p.m.
I think I walked in on a group therapy meeting at a hospital.
Things have been going downhill fast, so I decided I need to find an eating disorder group to go to today. I looked online on the something-fishy.org website, and found one, coincidently, today at 1 PM.
It was at a hospital 35 min away. It took 45 min to get there, and I was nervous as hell. But since I drove 45 min, I wasn't going to stop myself from going.
The website only said "basement level" on the directions, so i was wandering aimlessly.
I saw a girl who was extremely skinny with sweats walking quickly somewhere, so i started following her. but she walked into the bathroom.
Finally, I asked a lady with a name tag where an ANAD group was. She told me to ask the office around the corner. I asked them, and they directed me to a closed door. I knocked, entered, and I walked in on a group sitting in a circle, and whoever was speaking stopped. I obviously interrupted. The group leader, about 45, a man with a pony tail, said in cheesey voice "Well hello there! what's your name?" I said "Melissa..." quietly and he told me to sit down. I sat in the corner. They were mostly older then me, but not old. There were 3 or 4 men and the rest women. It didn't look like an eating disorder group. As soon as the lady resumed, I didn't think it was, since the talk wasn't about food, just about their problems.
The therapist (according to his name tag) was an idiot. He made me mad. He tried to hard to be optimistic and his comments rambled. A couple people spoke about things and their problems (I have to move, my elbow hurts, I've been depressed) But when I knew I was in the wrong place was when they spoke of specific doctors, and everyone knew who they were.
Shit. I thought. I contemplated running out, but that'd look really weird. But they welcomed me in, so I had nothing to be ashamed of. The therapist asked the last person who spoke who she wanted to hear from, and she said the new comer. Uhhh?
I said "I think I'm in the wrong place."
"Where did you come from?"
"Uh..the outside world"
After explaining who I was looking for, they explained i belonged next door. Someone volunteered to bring me, and i was shuffled out.
I walked into an even SMALLER room, and unfriendly faces glared at me. The group leader said "Can I help you?" I said "I'm looking for an ANAD meeting.." she said coldly "This is an eating disorder group" (pause to make me feel even more uncomfortable in the stuffy small room) "but this isn't ANAD. it was moved to monday night at 6:30"
"oh. well..so this isn't a.." (uncomfortable laugh) "free group?"
"no. it's closed."
"okay..sorry to interrupt"
Then I made a dash out. To the parking lot. To my car. To cry in private.
Ugh. Why do I even bother trying. They looked at me like I was some kind of freak.