2006-08-24, 11:22 p.m.
I wish I could see myself through his eyes. When I am with him, I feel beautiful and confident. But when we walk around and I look at the woman surrounding me, and then look down at myself, that all disapates. Looking at them, I feel insecure, sloppy, frumpy, and small. I get embarassed of who I am and how i dress. I wonder if I have ever felt good enough when I compare myself to my surroundings.
And I wonder if he only sees me as beautiful because he knows my heart. does my personality blur the flaws or make them insignificant? or does he really not see them? because when i look in the mirror, i am disgusted. not even fixing my hair or squinting my eyes produces something that someone might find attractive.
i wonder if i'm 100% truthful to him or i'm tainted by the attraction, the beauty of his heart, and sexual lust. do i let that censor me?