brunch, 99
2002-07-01, 1:22 p.m.

I'm finally at 99. When I stopped binging and purging like crazy I finally lost weight. Yesterday I only had some 0 cal. pickles and celery. Then I ate a peach a couple spoon fulls of icecream. I purged the peach and icecream. It felt good to finally see 99 on the scale. Today I went out to brunch with this new youth leader and 2 other girls in my youth group. I was afraid I was going to have to eat. We ended up going to Bagel Mania and I just got black coffee with sweet n low. The youth leader got a bagel then bought a huge cinnamon roll and said we could share it. I never met her before so I didn't think she was suspicious of me. We sat and I had a small piece of bagel and cream cheese that someone offered to me so i wouldn't look suspicious and a small piece off the cinnamon roll and I avoided the frosting.The youth leader, Elisa told us her testimony and basically her life story and she use to be bulimic. I was so scared because she was bulimic for 6 years so I some how thought she could see through us. Next, we told our testimonies and life stories. After one girl went, said she suffered through depression, another suffered with low self-esteem and a mean father. Then me. Hah. I told about my depression, therapist, medication, self-mutilation, and insane mother. I didn't say anything about my ED though because no one knows anything about it but I really want to talk to Elisa about it but I will stay quiet for awhile about it. No one knows about it. My other youth leaders filled Elisa in with all about of us. I asked her what she knew and she knew about my mom and cutting. So its not like it mattered if i decided to keep quiet about me, she already knew almost everything.

Im going to the doctor today to get my thyroid checked out. Eep. Needle. Blood.

I see my therapist tommorow. *groan*

I hope im at 98 by tommorow. That's so weird. 98 was my original goal but now that I am so close and feel so huge still I don't know about it. I think 90 sounds like a nice even number to shoot for. When I get there, I'll defiently stop.