2002-08-19, 12:49 p.m.
i can't stop crying. day after day I watch myself plummit into darkness that swallows me whole. I thought I might be okay but these new feelings are so scary and so consuming. I hang from the corner of my ceiling and stare down at my fragine pale body huddled in the corner. i'm huddled tightly wrapped in a ball. my shirt is worn and my pajamas haven't been taken off for days. my shoulders move up and down violently in unison with my sobs that seem so far away and so un human sounded. my insides scream at me to just end it all and forget everything. forget trying. i watch my body so broken - head on floor - curled tightly in a ball soak in the knowledge of being a failure. a useless, worthless, pointless failure who will never suceed, never think right. never be able to function. i watch all i held dear to being torn away from me. i try to pull it close to me, hold on tight, but im so weak, so scared, that it's taken easily from me. just a slight tug was all thats needed. i am nothing. i am dying. i cannot live. i cannot speak. i cannot see anymore for the images in front of my eyes re play in my mind day and night and crush my heart, my body, my will to move. and i fall, fall, fall, so far down.
and my body hits the rocks. my mangled body hits the rocks on the bottem. its all i can do.