2002-10-02, 9:32 p.m.

wow. this is like my third entry for the day. tonight I feel...so empty and lost. i have no motivation to live on to the next minute. it's so scary...to wish so much...to die before you wake. and know you will not die, and know you will have to face the day. but you simply don't know how. i can't describe my fear in that.... i hate this. the emptyness, the fear, hopelessness, the guilt. it hurts so bad. i feel like a hollow shell. empty of everything. ive been like this for so long...wishing for something better, having people promise something better. will it ever come? my exaustion...seems worse than ever..but I think I just always feel this way. i promised myself no binging tonight. that i'll just go to bed. but here i am....infront of plates of food. and i fill my emptiness with food...because nothing else will.