2002-10-17, 7:38 a.m.

I haven't updated in awhile. Well, only one day. But i usually update everyday multiple times so it feels like I haven't been here forever.

The school psychologist hasn't called me up all week. Ya right...2-3 times my ass. I'm glad, because I really don't want to talk to her, but at the same time I feel I'm unimportant and forgotten once again. God i'm impossible to please. If she calls me up, I'd get mad, when she doesn't, I feel worthless again. No wonder no one wants to be around me.

So no updated for you guys are smart. You know what I'm going to say. I'll say something like "I took a bunch of diet pills and laxatives and was 95 lbs but then I binge and purged so now I'm 97 and then I binged and purged the next day and so now I'm 98. Today I'm going to take a bunch of laxatives and diet pills and end up being 95 again." So ya...right now I'm 99 and plan to do the eat-nothing-take-a-bunch-of-pills diet. then I'll get really grumpy and emotional and cry in all my classes, get even more behind, come home and try to sleep, but won't be able to from all the pills, and cry and whine about how awful life is. I bet you look foward to that. And you bet I do too.

Is it really worth it for 95? I don't know but i feel like I'm stuck in a twister spinning spinning spinning into a trap and what I want to do doesn't matter anymore. I get fat, I do the pill thing. The End. End of story. I have no say in anything.