2003-01-14, 5:18 p.m.

loss of meaning, loss of hope. I sit and stare, on air I choke.

I wrote that yesterday. Lately I just feel this yearning for something more in my life. It hurts to try to write more about that. I always say I want to be a writer, but when I never go into detail about anything, I doubt I will be one. How will I be a writer when I'm too lazy/too unmotivated to write any of what I want to?

These last few days have been a blur for a couple of reasons. One, I've done the same things. Two, I've weighed the same thing, three, I've been on this damn medication. I've binged and purged a storm, I'ved weighed 95, and this medication has made me feel in a fog. I can't think at all which majorly dampens my finals studying time. To be honest though, I don't know if I'd be studying anyways.

healthy choice meals are not a healthy coice if you eat 6 of them.