2004-11-25, 7:32 p.m.
This entry is a short goodbye entry before I leave tomorrow. I have to wake up at 3:30 AM tomorrow morning to go to Ohio for a second Thanksgiving. Oh, joy. I'll be home Tuesday around 3 in the afternoon. I hate the cold, I hate being around large amounts of food, I hate not being able to binge and purge, and I hate being confined in a house with my mom. This will be this trip. But I need to see my dad's side of the family because my grandma is sick and it would be "nice" if we came. Atleast my sister will be there and I can cling to her to keep me company.
As for today's Thanksgiving - I didn't plan to b/p. I was good till about 6. I ate a very light dinner. Salad, green beans, brussle sprouts, and a few bites of other forbidden foods to keep up appereance. I fed a large amount of the turkey my dad dished out to me to my dog, and smushed together the stuffing and mash potatoes together. I declined gravy and cranberry sauce all together. I took tea to the couch after dinner feeling uncomfortable, but my stomach still looked flat. I was okay. 6 o lock rolled around and I wanted to binge. I felt sad because I knew it'd be a long time till I could again. I got some sugar free jello from the fridge and convinced myself not to binge and ate it slowly, sipping my tea. I thought about all the food in the fridge and how I could bring the items up one at a time. So I shoveled my sugar free jello into my mouth and started throwing things into the microwave while my dad was in the bath and my mom was upstairs packing. So here I am, stuffed, and writing this entry while I finish up binge food. I should be getting ready for bed and asleep in 20 min but I need to empty myself and then sleep. I'll probably get to bed way to late and be hating myself in the morning.
I'll be hating myself in 20 min, actually. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Anyway, see you all next Tuesday. Hope your turkey day's were better then mine and you ate without guilt. I keep trying to tell myself it's just one day, but everyday seems to matter too much to me. I still have one more Thanksgiving to celebrate: Sunday. It's just one day.