2004-12-27, 9:22 p.m.
What I ate today:
-Half an apple
-3 bowls of salad
-3 mints
-Too much fat free/sugar free pudding
-1 piece of toast
-2 egg whites
-2 tbl spoons of salsa
-1 cup of fat free hot cocoa
= way too many calories
Today I bought a fish. A very random purchase but something I've wanted for awhile. I sit and stare at him for awhile. I named him Webstar. He's an algae fish so he sucks at the wall of the bowl.
I hung out with Christie today. We went to walmart. While we were there, I tried to find some craft project for me to do, but nothing appealed to me. I want to paint, build, or sew. I'm watching a lot of movies lately. I need something to fill my time. I like to cook, too, but that's dangerous. Food is my enemy. I really need something to fill my mind. Empty time is my enemy. When I have nothing to do, I think about going to buy food and binge. But if I fill up my whole day and just have the evening, I think it's too late to binge. Or better yet, if I'm busy during the evening, I can just tell myself to go to bed. But lately I know if I eat something "forbidden" I'll have to purge it, and that sounds so awful to me.
I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep this up, though. Last night I was fantazing over cakes and really thought I'd break not bingeing and purging today. And today I'm majorly wanting real food...not salads and jello and egg whites. I'm going to bed with a rumbling tummy. I don't know if I'll hold out tomorrow, but a good nights rest can change things.
Binge/Purge free days: 2