2005-02-18, 1:41 p.m.

I forgot a long time ago I made a survey. You should go fill it out. Click here. It's fun. Not really. But interesting.
Today is pamper day. I haven't shaved my arms or legs or "groomed" down there in way too long because it's too hard to stand up in the shower for that long. But since I'm getting my haircut today, I didn't wash my hair, so I thought I'd try to use the extra time to shave. Now I'm baby smooth. I'm also a 1/2 lb lighter. Down to 79 1/2. A new low. I also haven't gotten my haircut in ages because I've been too depressed to leave my house, make an appoitment, or bother doing anything with my hair. But now my hair feels too heavy so I'm going chop it short.
When I went downstairs to make popcorn, everything started to blur, but instead of stopping after a bit, it wouldn't quit. I had to hold on to the wall and sit down. I'm not enjoying this. I really though I was gaining weight too. I feel like I'm eating more then I was. But I guess a lot of popcorn and sf pudding isn't a lot.
My new friend, Jen, the one I went to the concert with? I haven't heard from her since. She called me the next day and left me a nice message saying she was thinking of me. I called her the day after that while she was working to leave her a message saying hi, hoping she was staying abstinent (she was on day 6 or something) and saying we should hang out. Haven't heard from her since. I'm afraid I was too overbearing. Or she's over me. I'm just afraid she won't like me. I don't want to lose the one good thing that was starting to happen. I haven't had a potential friend in years. Bah. I don't even know what to do in this situation. I don't want to be annoying obsessive. Well, I guess the ball is in her court. I called her last. This sounds like a bad boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Ew.
So, I failed my first math test. When I was taking it I started to really freak at the end. My stomach was turning with nothing in it, and my head blurred. I knew the hunger/diet pills were getting to me. I couldn't figure out how to check my answers and nothing was coherent to me. I panicked and turned it in as it was. I got it back yesterday and it was an F..49%. I nearly cried in class. But I just totally disassociated. I forgot about the test till last night. Weird. I'm going to have to do really good the rest of the year to recover from that. And how good am I going to do at 79 lbs and dropping? I have another test next Thursday and a psychology test next Tuesday. What am I doing at school like this? I know, I made this call.
I guess I'll go work on my English paper.