so fucked up.
2005-05-16, 12:27 a.m.

sometimes I look around my house and laugh. other times I start to cry. The irony and the clear stupidity of it all makes me so angry I pick up sharp objects and have to fight the urge to cut lines into myself. So instead I end up kicking walls, throwing things, and crying a whole lot.
Tonight I went into my mom's 'witch room'(I so unfondly call it) to look through some of the old clothes in the closet for a craft project. I often wander throughout her room, looking at the trinkets and nic nacks she buys. Tonight was no exception; I sadly wandered about the insanity of it all. I noticed some new objects, some statues she mentioned she went to buy, and turned them over looking at the base. I was shocked, and literally had to take a second look to confirm the price of 47.00 dollars. The one next to it was no better, it was 41.00. Statues, maybe 7 inches tall, made out of nothing special, just some stupid wicca related gods, cost nearly 100 bucks. And what are they going to do? Just sit there. In her locked room. After that shock, I started to turn over other trinkets in her room. 14.00, 9.00, 17.00. All over the place these objects that look like you could get them at a garage sale were adding up quickly to huge amounts of my DAD'S money. I had to contain myself before i threw something. Not only that, but she has dresser drawer full of candles, insense, oils, candle holders, and other numerous CRAP. On the wall hung two small porcelain suns, one blue, the other orange. I turned them over to see they cost 32.00 each.
My dad has to know she's buying this SHIT yet he got all uptight about the 4.50 yogurt I bought today at the self-serve yogurt place. He called me a "fat brat" for getting such a large yogurt. Sorry dad, i'll just not eat because THATS ALL IM GOING TO EAT TODAY. He takes it out of my allowance, hounds me, and critizes me for every purchase I make or ask him to make for me yet shes blowing money. Atleast the stuff I buy I USE. and is USEFUL.
I sat on the floor of my mom's witch room, and layed my back on several body pillows she bought for her room. Its so shocking, again and again, to see THIS IS MY MOTHER. She thinks she is a witch, this is her room, her crap, her life, her head.
These are the cards I was dealt. I just can't get over how bad of a hand I got.