2008-01-01, 11:04 a.m.
new years parties are fucking ridiculous. the new year is supppose to be a time for a fresh start and change and other good crap like that. But at these parties, we throw back shots till midnight, then we end up drunk and stupid and making horrible decisions during the very first hours of the new year.
take for example, me. i had a bloody GREAT start to the new year. New years eve I'm having one of the worse nights of the year because i was feeling rejected and alone and unlovable and yada yada yada. I was suicidal for the first time in years, desperate to sniff, smoke, or swallow some mind altering substance. I end up going to Greg's after midnight, taking two shots of 100 proof vodka back to back, and thus beginning the blur of my regrets. Greg's younger brother Brian was also drunk and shot up heroin earlier that evening, spat out that he use to have the biggest crush on me. I was totally flattered and seeing as i was totally desperate for love I ate that compliment up. I started to seduce him... we were hanging out in greg's bedroom and i kept asking brian to get on the bed with me and Danica. Under the covers i was groping him and when Danica and Greg decided to give us some privacy I pulled Brian towards me to make out and grind and rub..and what the FUCK was I thinking? I'm one of those dumb drunk bitches who sleeps with a random person at a party. Except we didn't sleep together since he wasn't so intoxicated that he wouldn't know it wouldn't be right if Greg and I were fucking. Which we are. Or were. I don't know how he thinks of me right now.
BUT the upside of all this mess is that someone else made a bigger fool of themselves. Greg's DAD, Bruce. He was hitting on me and Danica all night. It was CREEPY as hell. I remember at one point when it was just Greg Danica and I in Greg's room, Greg mentioned how creepy his dad was being and I said "I'm too drunk to care right now but I will probably be creeped out in the AM" and oh, I am REALLY creeped out. When Brian told me he had a crush on me, we were all (Danica, Greg, Me, Brian) in Bruce's bedroom watching TV. Bruce came home and got more drunk then proceeded to grope me under the covers and making sexual jokes. Even in Greg's bedroom he followed us in there and at one point I heard him say something like [in reference to me, i don't know what the was the comment was that he replied with this was] "she doesn't need a good kicking she needs a good licking". Hopefully is disgusting drunkenness takes away from my mine.
Greg keeps calling me since this morning I got up and snuck out but I can't bring myself to answer my phone I am so ashamed.