2002-06-13, 12:55 p.m.
i dont know what to believe. my mother is..uh...insane....but she is making sense.
my father works for a company that layed off a WHOLE bunch of people. his part of work branch thing moved to Arizona and theirs a huge chance he will get layed off because he didnt go.
i wasnt really worried because this threat has been going on for a long time.
on the way home my mom asked how my doctor appt went (with my anti-depressant new doctor) and i replied "none of your damn buisness." because she has caused sooooooo much trouble with my last one calling into the therapist office telling them to take me off my meds because its giving me side effects. (Um, what? Where is she getting this info?)
So anyways to that she replied "Dad might get layed off in 2 weeks and if that happens you will see your counselor (I HATE WHEN SHE SAYS THAT. therapist) at the end of the month once more than you can't anymore.
me: you dont know what your talking about
her: i said..(starts to repeat herself)
me: I KNOW I HEARD YOU
her: so you cant see him anymore
me:I HEARD YOU
her: the insurance pays for it, not us
me: I KNOW SHUT UP
her: so if dad gets...
me: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
I couldnt take it anymore. I couldnt hear it. I cant stop therapy. This is my worse fear that something will happen and i wont be able to see him and and now all my hope is gone and now im crying again and my mind is racing and my head is pounding and ive never typed so fast in my life.
nonononononno.
please pray. please pray. please pray. please pray. please pray. please pray. pray he doesnt get layed off for the love of god HE CANT GET LAYED OFF. damnit.
if he gets layed off....im taking that fucking gun. if i cant get the fucking gun, i'll as many sleeping pills as i can get for 30 bucks. its my only choice.
he was my last thread of hope...