2001-12-14, 3:36 p.m.

i called my youth pastor to ask when he decided i should go home. he said after explaining the meeting with m and d that next weekend would be good. he said that marlie and darren need some time to themselves before they move. i was looking in the pantry while i was listening to him talk about this meeting. When I heard the words 'next weekend' i suddenly lost my appetite.

tears filled my eyes and he asked me if i was okay. i said in my most reassuring voice i could produce at the time "yea, totally"

i wanted to say to him "no im not okay! i want to fucking die!" but i didnt.