eating, cuts, therapy blah.
2002-06-14, 3:07 p.m.

I'm getting a new layout soon. My friend,Max, is making it. I sent him some pictures and such and he said he'd work on it next week. I'm excited. It should be rad.

School is over today. *shrugs* im not all that excited.

sometimes I think I try too hard to believe I am losing weight. At first I wouldn't believe it, now Im trying to convince myself. I am up 4 lbs. 4 huge fat greay lbs. I finally got the ingredients and made that soup from the Sacred Heart Diet. Its suppose to be for open heart surgery patients so they can lose weight. Its like a 7 day ordeal, but I don't have most of the stuff on the plan anyways to do it, though I would love it. It guarantees losing atleast 10-17 lbs in a week. Its very very temporary though. I don't really care though. I hate who I am now. I'll deal with tommorow, tommorow. But the site says (and many other sites ive found this on) the more you eat of this soup, the more you lose. So I'm stuffing all my hunger pains with this soup. It isnt half bad, but I'm getting sick of it, and theres stuff im craving. Like crackers and cheez its. I had a bowl of icecream with an apple earlier but i purged it. I flushed the toilet and went into my room. Later, I went to go pee and saw the toilet was clogged. With icecream an apple?!?! Agh. But I fixed it.

Today, somebody else noticed my arms. I dont care anymore. i dont care about anything anymore. im just too tired. i look foward to seeing my therapist for the first time in a long while. Its next Wednesday. I'm just desperate for help I guess. I'm trying not to think about the whole lost job thing and no money and no insurance and no therapy and bleh. im done.

i was planning on making a cd to exercise to but my damn computer is so slow i got irritated after only downloading one song. I guess I'll just put it on repeat. I've decided i'll do 300 sit ups and 300 leg lifts today then take a well-deserved nap on an overly stuffed stomach with soup. i might treat myself with 3 cheez its. 18 calories. Today I've had:

-a slurpee 80 calories?

-popsicle 50 calories

-icecream 0 (i hope i hope)

and 2 bowls of this soup. You can tell by the foods im eating besdies this soup that im craving sweets a lot. its all i think about. cheez its and icecream. its like im pregnant. i could be pregnant. i missed my period *shrugs* i dont know how i eating.

Time to bandage some wounds i picked and do some sit ups.