2002-07-18, 12:21 a.m.

While you're up there just playing hard to get.

i don't know how to express to anyone who is reading how I am barely holding on. That I'm breaking. On the edge. That I beg of anyone...I don't even know what I need.

It's just my head hurts all over and I have soaked everything near by with my tears. And my head hurts. And I'm not making sense. I guess I'm just hoping someone will know the answer. The reason.

The reason that my mother hasn't spoke to me for over a week. And the last words she said to me was that I was delusional and fucked up and not worth anything. I want to know the reason that I can't get God and he seems impossible to get. I want to know the reason that everything is crumbling beneath me. why my head won't stop throbbing

im shaking.