2002-08-01, 10:03 p.m.

I'm home from my trip and absolutely exausted. I also feel like dying. Everything is shit and I don't even know what everything is besides the fact that I gained more than 5 pounds. I know I can lose it again I just can't stand being this weight. I popped 4 sleeping pills and 8 diet pills and I plan to sleep for days. So I may not be around again. I don't want to eat, feel, think, see, anything. I want to be a mess in my bed and make this dull throbbing in my head subside. *sigh* I think I'll hit the hay now. I remember that whole night when I tried to run away and the shelter wouldn't take me and I took 7 sleeping pills and I ddin't sleep fro the whole day like I wanted. I hope this isn't a repeat of that.

It seems so pointless to do my usual rants of "I hate everything. I hate life. I want to die." it's all the same. what's the use. what's the use of even writing this. *shrug* too much for my tired, drugged, mind.