never be okay
2002-08-09, 12:29 p.m.

i came home. to two notes on my door from my "mom"

"return my phone or else"

"you left the computer on and our running up a huge phone bill"

I saw my lock. my padlock. my second lock. banged up. dug into. pieces of my door were everywhere. i felt a scream rise up in my throat. i screamed. loud. again. and again. i cried. i ran to my moms door and through it open hard. slammed it against the wall. a long knob shape is broken into the wall. she came home. then left again. i dont know why im still panicking. she left again. its okay. its not okay. a neighbor came over. asked if everytign was okay. i put on a smile. said ya. i just stubbed my toe and screamed. sorry.

i eat. and eat. and eat. endless amounts of food. then i'll empty myself. and be clean and thin again. then i will cut. deep. long. hard. cuts. then i will sleep. and everything will be okay. because i will cut. i will cut. i will cut. everything is okay. will never be okay