bad night
2002-08-09, 6:57 p.m.

im copying and pasting this from an IM conversation with Klif. What's left out is that I had my mother's cordless phone because mine isn't working in my locked room. I have two locks. A padlock on top of a regular because she broke my regular. The top lock is like the kind you'd see on a front door. i came home from a church thing today to see she tried to break into it. pieces of my door were everywhere. it's all bent up. she left mean notes on my door. i got so mad i swung her door against the wall and the door knob broke through. then my dad got home. this is what happened.

my dad gets home..i want to go to the store to get ramen. my mom is down there teling my dad i disconnected all the phone lines. (i just took the phone cords because she was listening in to all my conversations and screaming at my friend) i interrupt, ask my dad if he'll take me

my mom says "well, what do you have to say for yourself" i look at her and say "don't talk to me as if you're my mother because you're nothing of the sort except by blood. why don't you tell dad what you did to my door?" my dad walks upstairs, sees what my mom did, and exploades at me

he told me he got his 60 day notice today and he has to look for a job and he doesn't have the time or energy to deal with this shit and if i stopped provoking her and just ignored her this type of thing wouldnt happen and he's tired of all my bullshit

i told him i didn't provoke anything i just had her cordless phone in my room and she broke my door how is it my fault?

for the trillionth time in my life i say "im not responsible for her actions" though i dont think i believe that anymore i walk into my room and try to get away from his screaming but he follows i tell him to get out

he wont

he goes off on me to clean my room and starts kicking things around, closing drawers, picking up dishes

i tell him to get out of my room

he screams at me that isnt my room its his room

that i dont own anything

now he is getting really close to me

i back to my bed

huddled, crying

he is stil screaming

saying that he asks me to do something and i never do and i cause so many problems and that i dont own anything and all i do is waste money and this isnt my room

he keeps getting closer so im just screaming "okay okay okay!"

he wont stop and he gets closer

so im screaming okay this is his room ill clean his room please dont hurt me

when i say "please dont hurt me" he finally leaves

i close the door, blast the music and cry

like 20 min later he knocks on my door while im packing up

and asks if i still want to go to the store

i dont answer

he screams at me to answer or he'll knock my door down

so i cry out a no

when im all packed up, i walk downstairs, i see him sitting on the couch...i hide my face because its red and swollen

and i walk out

and i didnt want him to follow but you'd think he would after ive ran away so many times

i walked to the store

got my ramen

and while walking home my sister pulled up next to the curb

and i thought he sent my sister but she was just driving home.

she gave me a lift

asked me whati was doing how i was doing i had to put on my jacket to cover my bandages. i didnt hurt myself. these were from earlier.

she could tell something was up because she ketp asking questions

i just said i was getting exercise, craving ramen

she dropped me off

i came home

and my parents are out to dinner.

the end.