psych appt.
2002-08-15, 9:32 a.m.

Just got back from doctor. He was going to up my Effexor XR and add something called Weratin or something but then he asked something that threw off the whole meeting.

Dr: Are you eating normally?

Me: Kind of

Dr: What do you mean kind of?

Me: *shrugs* kind of.

Dr: Well you aren�t bulimic or anything are you?

Me: I don�t know. Kind of.

Dr: What do you mean kind of? [[echo..echo...]

Me: *shrug*

Dr: Well are you throwing up once a week, twice a week, twice a day, it happened once?

Me: 2-3 times a day [[actually happens about 4-5 times a day but I wasn�t about to tell him that]]

Dr: Do you feel as if it is out of control?

Me: *nod*

Dr: Versus...

Me: versus when before I chose to do it

Dr: Now it controls you?

Me: *nods*

Dr: Well this changes everything. If we put you on Weratin you�re at risk of seizures because of the bulimia because the chemicals in your body are leveled so low. You�re potassium level is probably dangerously low right now. The Effexor XR can�t work because you don�t have the needed protein and you may not be even digesting it. We�ll put you on Zoloft for the bulimia

Me: ok

Dr: Does Dr. G____ know about this?

Me: kind of

Dr: How so?

Me: He knows I do it but he doesn�t know any details

Dr: So if I were to go up to Julio and say �Hey Julio you know Melissa is bulimic� would he know what I was talking about?

Me: maybe. I don�t know if he�d call it bulimia.

Dr: Does he know how often it happens?

Me: I don�t think so. I think he assumes it doesn�t happen often.

Dr: *sigh* Well when do you meet with him next?

Me: Not for awhile because a couple of appointments had to be canceled

Dr: because...?

Me: He�s going on vacation and my next appointment after his vacation time was the first day of school so I had to cancel.

Dr: So when do you see him?

Me: September 17th

Dr: *sigh* well he has to know. he�ll probably will want you to see a diet specialist.

Me: *shrug*

Dr: Well you have to call him.

Me: How do I go about doing that? Where?

Dr: Just call here and ask for him and say �Julio I�ve got to tell you something. Dr Berquist thinks you should know.

Me: Okay.

Dr: And I want to see you in 2-4 weeks. Is there anything else you didn�t tell me about?

Me: no

Dr: The Zoloft will help the Bulimia. We can�t fix your depression till we fix your bulimia. The medicine won�t work

Me: ...

I left the office and sobbed. And sobbed. I half hopped someone, anyone, would come out and find me. Dr Berquist, anyone else there. But no one did. I wanted him to tell me what I did was wrong but okay. That I�m not a freak. I hate it and I�m not proud of it and I don�t want to talk about it. I can�t call Julio. I said I would call and tell him because he kept making it sound so important I do so but I just can�t. I was going to call Dr. Berquist and tell him I can�t tell Julio but I wouldn�t know my reason why. I�ll call him tomorrow morning when he is in again. He is only in on Thursdays and Fridays. *sigh* what a mess I�ve made. of everything.