2002-08-29, 12:05 a.m.
First thing in the morning I'm whipping myself back in shape. I use to make sure I purge 5 min after I eat and I would eat quickly and chew good with lots of water. Now I eat tons over a long period of time and wait too long to purge. I don't take diet pills as much and don't restrict as much either. First thing in the morning I'm going to the store, re-stocking on diet pills and sleeping pills.
Life is going to be in control again, damnit. I will take diet pills reguarly. 3-4 pills 3 times a day. I will take my anti-depressants, I will take sleeping pills at night. I will fucking sleep a full night sleep and I will fucking lose weight again. I will feel better and I will be thin and I will be in control again. God I just remember when I was 97 pounds and see how far I am from there now and I just hate myself and I hate how fucking huge I am. Things are going to be normal again. Control. Thin. I have to be down to 100 by school. 5 pounds, 5 days. Hopefully most of this is just water weight and from all those peaches I ate. Plus I was fully clothed. So 4 pounds in 5 days.
Meh. I'm just a fat ass.