2002-08-27, 11:02 a.m.

I sit here and drink kool aide. my 0 calorie kool aide that i mixed with 0 calorie sugar. "sugar twin" to be exact. I sit and think. I'm so tired. Tired of purging. 2 days ago it took so much effort, all the strength left in me, to purge my food. Yesterday I just lied in bed. I was too tired to purge so I just didn't eat. Now I probably could purge but after I eat I always hate myself because I hate purging. I don't want to have to deal with it. We have so much good food though. bleh. It's weird...I almost feel bad for not eating the food my dad bought. But then I really don't want to throw it away. meh. i wan't food. but i can't.