2002-09-02, 1:12 a.m.

i fucked up everything. as usual. im such a fucking failure. I thought it'd be okay to eat tonight. Just one meal. I didnt eat much. I left the house weighing 102 fully clothed but when i returned I somehow weighed 107. I'm such a fucking failure. I purged as much as I could but it hurt because my throat was sore and I didnt chew my food in planning for a purge. I got down to 105 but I'm still a huge fucking faiure. What's wrong with me? Why can I never do anything right? I hate me. my whole fucking fat body. i hate food. i hate the mess i've made of everything. JUST FUCKING KILL ME NOW. I WANT TO DIE.