2002-09-12, 9:23 p.m.

he didn't even say goodbye. or goodnight. or anything.

he says he still loves me.

i don't know if i believe him.

it doesn't even seem like he cares.

everything is crumbling and i can't breath. i don't want to breath. i want to suffocate. i want to die.

i know i've said it before. i know i've said i want to die. i know i've said it before and meant it.

but never before has the feeling of death been so nagging. so real. so close. so final.

like it's the only thing that will help now.

because i've lost my heart. and my world.

...the only thing left of me is death.