2002-09-17, 11:04 p.m.

A lot happened today.

I got my lisense.

I weigh 100 pounds -tonight- !! -fully clothed- !! Let's see what tommorow morning the scale says....

I saw my therapist today. He said a lot that stuck with me. I hadn't seen him for nearly 8 weeks because of schedueling conflicts. I greeted him with saying "Hello stranger." and we joked about not seeing eachother for awhile for a bit with things like "what's yer name again? starts with an M doesn't it?" He said he had been thinking of me a lot. I said "meh?" he said he was just hoping I was doing okay and that he missed me and and was a bit worried. I said "wow i feel special." and he said "You are special" it made me feel nice. then he said my doctor called him (anti-depressant doctor that works with him) He said that my doctor (we call em BQ) had called because he was concerned about my ED and how I'm not responding to any of the meds and he wanted me in a group. Julio said he had been trying to get me to go to one. I don't want to go to any over eaters annoymous groups. meh. so i guess i'm concerning a lot of people. overall my meeting with julio besides those 2 things were pretty unproductive and boring. we talked about books and movies and what new has happened. Then when I was setting up another appt a lady who works at the office (who happens to be julio's wife) said "Melissa you are getting too skinny!" Julio totally raised his eyebrows at me. I just kind of chuckled. She asked me how much weight I had been losing and I said "only a few lbs" Me? Too skinny?! No one's ever said that before! I wonder what they'll think when/if I get my to goal of 92 lbs. I don't see Julio again for 4 weeks. meh. it's frustrating. i really enjoy the meetings and the office enviorment and such. it lifts my spirits and actually makes me feel like people like me. it's hard to only be there for a couple hours. i never want to leave.

Oh now I remember something I liked. At the end of the meeting we were walking out the door and Julio said "Can I have a hug?" he's asked me that like 3 or 4 other times but It just really makes me feel special. I said "of course". Because he's so big there so warm and nice. I guess I really am needly of love and physical attention when I get so excited from a hug and a few adults paying attention to me.

I think I have a new diet plan. I lost a lot of weight from being so busy and only eating like 3 peaches and 2 apples till tonight when I binged/purged. I will only eat fruit up until 9:00pm. Then I can do my fun binging of all I want. I shall lose a lot of weight like this me thinks.

well...time for bed. i was too busy eating and puking to do my homework. *shrugs*