why do I even bother
2002-10-05, 1:20 p.m.

It's days like this when I wake up and feel like this...my medication doesn't sound half bad. Any other feeling would be better then this. Even being at my lowest, 97, doesn't help me. I feel empty and used up. I feel drained and tired of everything, though I know I slept well and enough. I feel hopeless. I went to the store, considered looking in the little boys section for tshirts, but just shrugged and payed for my chapstick. Too much energy. I wish I had been taking my medication to avoid this feeling today, and I should start taking it to avoid feeling like this again, but *shrug* again....too much energy to do that. But then when I consider it to the point of taking the bottles out, I hear the haunting voice of my doctor saying "*sigh* Well it's not going to work with you throwing up everything, but I'll see what I can do" He seemed so frustrated. Like thinking 'Why do I even bother?' It's not like I throw up the pills....it's just I guess my body doesn't have the nutrients to digest them or metabolize them. or something. I don't know. I'm tired and all of this typing is keeping me from bingeing. I have pizza, icecream, yogurt, coco puffs, and cheez its. i don't know if it will be enough, but i'll just see. I was going to buy these 6 cup cake things at target for a dollar but i didn't want to spend my little money...but now I wish I got them. anyways, time to eat.