2002-10-05, 3:34 p.m.

According to a bunch of BMI calculators and Ideal body weight crap, I'm either 18 or 18.3 (keep getting both)And according to all but one I am underweight. I don't see how though. Even the ones that got my age said i Was underweight. Only this one kids calculator said my weight was normal. Maybe I should go by that one? But really 97 at 5'1 isn't that light! besides my upper thighs, i'm almost okay with my weight. everything could use a bit more trimming but i can live with it. it's my thighs i hate. but really, my perception isn't fucked up. i know i can stand to lose some weight in my thighs. im not fucked up. my eyes still work. i just wish i could know what others think. if they think i'm fat or thin or what. but that's something ill never know. even if someone told me what they thought, if it was normal i'd feel fat, if it was fat, i'd feel like dying, if it was too thin i'd think they were lying..if it was just thin...i'd think they might be stretching it. so who knows. god i've been updating like twice a day lately. it's kind of nice.