2002-10-13, 4:34 p.m.
Him: but when I put you on ignore, and didn't talk to you for a long time, my spirits were lifted... i was happier... i wasn't always concerned about how your day went, how many pounds you've lost, how many slashes are on your arms. and there's scientific reasons for that; that when we hang with the down, we become down, when we hang with the happy, we become happy. i've always been a happy-go-lucky dude, and feeling that again enthralled me.
Me: i'm sorry i did that to you. i'm sorry i ever bothered you with my life. i'm sorry i bothered anyone with my life. how foolish i was to believe people cared.
me: no. i can't hold it in anymore. great. now things are great with you and god and you left me fucking out in the storm. how can that be right? ya it seems right for you. the rich get richer and i'm fucking alone. what a fucking mistake and inconvienance i was to try to lean on people. YOU made me feel like you cared, wanted to hear it. now i am responsible for more peoples agony because of my life. well i'm fucking sorry. NOW...i will hold it all in.
He put it into a metaphor like this:
i'd like to know what you'd do in the following situation:
you're outside, dashing home, as it's storming outside. nasty, nasty hail the size of volleyballs. fierce lightning all over the place, constantly.
and you see a friend sitting out in the open. you speak to your friend, asking him to come inside.pleading with him to come get some shelter.but he refuses.
no matter what method or tactics you use,your friend will not come get some shelter.the hail is beginning to sting, hitting you on the head.
what do you do now?
What he failed to do, was stop thinking about himself. And he told the story wrong. maybe the friend, ME, can't go in doors. maybe the friend doesn't want to be there either. maybe the friend can't get out alone. but he was only thinking of his well being. and it's not like it was just as bad as it is for me, for him. he's not here, living this life.