should I stay or should I go
2003-05-25, 10:25 a.m.

I'm beat. I'm doing all the med things again. Topomax, Pamelor, prozac, and face medication. The Pamelor knocks me out till I force myself out of bed. The topomax makes me feel like a droid. Prozac I'm not sure does a thing to me since I'm started out on such a small dose and working up to 40 mg which is still a small dose. I don't know why I've decided to take all my medications again. I'm just really tired of feeling so depressed and like shit I guess.

It's very nice to have a car. I love listening to good tunes and driving. Sadly though where I'm usually driving is to get binge food. Easy access. My favorite binge food is what a lot of pizza: 6.95 for a huge pizza. I had that yesterday and made home made cookie dough. Then I ate half a burger too. Purges were extremely difficult medicated. I don't know why. Probably because my body is weak and exausted. But I pulled through and I'm still 90. Frustrating. I want to get down to 89.

My psych said he's going to talk to Julio. I guess he's talked to him in the past. Seems like they're in disagreement about my treatment. Psych wants more treatment then Julio wants for me.

Bleh. It confuses the fuck out of me. I don't know how much treatment I need now. I guess we'll see what Julio has to say on Tuesday.