2003-06-09, 4:26 p.m.
I'm tired of waking up and starting to cry.
I'm tired of being size 0 and feeling like a blimp. I'm tired of that confusion. That disorder.
I'm tired of my day revolving around food.
I'm tired of being so sad and angry when everyone else is so happy. I can't laugh while everyone else does. I just think about how much I want to curl up and cry.
I'm tired of doing everything wrong.
I'm tired of going unnoticed.
I'm tired of breathing.
I just want to die.
I had to leave class today to keep from crying infront of people. I got into the bathroom and held my eyes closed tight. I got a D. In the class. I can't take math next year.I mean I got my math credits for High school but god are they shitty. I've done shitty this semester. I'm looking at a 2.0. Reason number 3049584305 to give up.
I stole food from my friends house when no one was home because I'm broke. How low can you get? I'm eating it right now.
On a good/odd note Julio's office called and said they had an opening and asked if I'd like to come in. That was odd. I said okay. It's for tommorow.
I wonder if he read my diary entries and tried to get me in. I wonder if they just noticed I hadn't been in for awhile. I wonder if it's both. tick tick tick. 88 pounds.