2003-07-01, 1:55 a.m.
I feel so numb. Pissed off. Quite a contrast to how I was feeling earlier today.
It was Beach Day with the youth group. Being a senior, you'd think I'd have friends and be popular and shit. My like, one friend, is graduated. I go. I swear I fucking tried. I watched people play volley ball, I played volley ball, I sunbathed (and got burnt), I tried to talk to people about books I was reading when they showed interest. No one would talk to me. I walked over with a huge group to get lunch over like two streets even though I already had a lunch (salad with nonfat dressing -15 cal per table spoon-peach, and fruit leather, and a diet coke), stood in line, spotted change, joked, tried to get in the conversation, but no one would talk to me. On the way home from the burger shack I was just drained. I didn't bother to try anymore. I considerd leaving early but I decided to just fuck it and read. I layed next to some people who ignored me and read for awhile. Finally, a youth leader, asked me to play cards. The only person who talked to me was payed too. Then it was time to pack up.
My mom took forever to come after I called her and I ended up standing forever by myself on the curve. I cried all the way home.
I ran into my graduated friend and her boyfriend ( boyfriend who is also my friend who doesn't really like me anymore because he has Christie) at the craft store after the beach. It was kind of awkward because it showed they didn't call me. I made small talk like "So you guys are doing crafts now?" while I held my project stuff, trying to hint for her to invite me over. She said "Ya, kind of." But either didn't want me over or didn't get the hint. Probably the first. We parted, I got in the car, angry and alone once again. I slept for the evening.
I can't get people to like me.