manic mode.
2004-01-13, 7:32 p.m.

Today I felt angry and bitter. I guess manic would describe my mood well. These cycles make me mad, but I'm already mad so I don't know if it's the cycles that made mad or if i was mad from the start :/. I go from incredibly depressed, to numb/indifferent, to angry and out of control. Right now I'm out of control angry. I'm talking a lot and a social butterfly, angry at myself and depressed, and my thoughts and moods are dangerous and irrational. I think about death, dying, and killing myself a lot. I think about losing weight and start restricting my food more carefully. Right now I'm in a mode of "i want to lose like, 5 more pounds" and 80 sounds nice to me. I can also tell I've hit manic stage because I got around 5 hours of sleep last night and I'm wired.

okay. puke time.