my mom is getting worse.
2004-01-17, 7:56 p.m.

My mom was really bad today. I was in the kitchen while she was in the backyard. I kept hearing her yell "OH MY GOD!" all pissed off like. Then she'd kind of mumble something to herself. I walked out there, stupidly, and yelled at her "what's your problem?" She said "That noise is so loud!" or something of the sort. It was silent outside. I said something like "There is no noise. I don't hear anything. You're crazy." She said "Listen! Oh my god! It's so loud!" I walked away to her saying "Shut up! I don't want to hear your crap!" She's getting worse. So much worse. Non stop she's hearing the voices. You can tell by the way she's acting. She's walking around mumbling, saying things like "shut up" under her breath. Then she went into the kitchen and was freaking out. She was trying to work the radio and asked me to put on a CD to drown out the voices and noises she was hearing. She blasted it.

When she thinks no one is watching I see her pacing upstairs, talking, using hand motions.

My brother makes jokes about it. He doesn't care. My dad ignores it. I lose my mind and drive to the park. I can't be at home with her hearing her yell every "SHUT UP. OH MY GOD. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. SHUT UP!" every 5 minutes. How can my family ignore that? They just talk louder. Laugh harder. I stop talking. My eyes fill. I leave.

I feel like I should be over this. I should just move on. Okay, your mom is crazy. But I need to get beyond it. But I can't. Everytime I see her talking to herself, I burn up inside. Everytime she yells out, I break down. Everytime i see her, I ache more for a mom. I've been 17 years, almost 18, without a mom. Get.Over.It.

My mom gets jealous. My brother and I were showing my dad some pictures of some ducks we took from the park. We were at the dinner table so my mom was right there. Afterwards she started to demand to see them "Where is the camera? let me see the pictures of the ducks." She does that with a lot of things. Not even an hour later she was calling me names.

I need out of this house. Now.