2004-03-26, 10:41 p.m.

You can only go so long being deprived of sleep. And that's not very long. The first morning after a short night's rest, one wakes up reluctantly, but can pull the day off. The next, I usually start to feel the effects of sleep depriviation. I've gotten 10 hours of sleep in 2 days, and my body feels like lead against the mattress. By the third day, getting less then what I need for 2 days of sleep, (running on empty), I am zombie. Today was zombie day. I frequently hit zombie stage, but I don't try to pull off zombie day and go to school. I just ditch and sleep. But since I've been missing so much school lately, I had to. I took 20 oz of 7-11 coffee to English and heard the muffled sounds of Hamlet in the distance of my head. After 4 extrucianting hours and 2 classes, I was home.

I hit the kitchen, hungry. I swear, my body swayed. I planned to take a nap, but I almost convinced myself I wasn't tired till I lost my balance. I put away the cauliflower I planned to eat for lunch and went up to my room.

I slept for 3 lovely hours. I felt like I could get on forever, but I had to get up and go babysit.

I feel about 80% better. I want to sleep more more more. But I must purge purge purge. I'm not ready for the hour session in the bathroom. My body is calling it quits. It's telling me to go lie down. Ya. Right. Too much fat in me.

I refuse to weigh myself lately. I know I'm gaining weight. I'm getting lazy. Usually when I get lazy and gain weight the weight gain is motivation to restrict and get my butt into gear, but I'm just too tired lately. I care. I care so much. I hate the person I see, I hate the fat. But I just turn my head and hope it's IN my head. But something is telling me it's not. I think it's only a few pounds but a few pounds is on my thighs.

Okay, the sooner I purge the sooner I'm under my covers.