Hawaii, drinking party
2004-07-22, 7:39 p.m.

Last night, after my embarresing walk-in at the hospital and after my nightly b/p, I went to my first drinking party.

I've drank heavily once before, and got horribly drunk, but never gone to a party with liquor and everyone is drinking with the intention of getting sloshed.

After remembering my first run in with rum and coke and the like, I decided to take it easy and not vomit all over the place. I was suprised to have a really, really good time. I knew most of everyone there, except when a few folks dropped by at some points. I drank maybe half a beer, and smoked a cigarette, and observed the scene.

The last guy I was "romantic" with got so drunk he sat at the edge of the host's suede couch and barfed into a trash can. I baby-sat him for a little, making sure he got his hurl into the waste basket, not on the expensive material. My old best friend, g-f of host, was the other babysitter of the drunken-barfer, so she stopped drinking a lot at one point of the party.

Another guy that I knew from Church got terribly wasted. He was telling us stories about the czechs, germans, and jews and his family and how he wanted to slit this one guy's throat. It was amusing. Then he sat outside for an hour by himself.

Another friend of mine kept pushing everyone to take shots with her because she didn't want to drink alone. Then she passed out on the couch next to the barfer.

The Host got drunk, but not so drunk he barfed or did anything embarresing like call up a friend and tell him how drunk he was. Someone else did that.

Finally the guy who was sitting outside walked in and crashed on a near by bed. The girl who wanted to keep taking shots got driven home. My old fling stopped hurlng, even the water I gave to him, and we took him upstairs to a bed of towels incased he started up again.

Host and old bestfriend, his girlfriend, went to sleep in host's parents room. I went to sleep in Host's room with the barfer, but on host's bed.

The next morning, this morning, we went to McD's. The barfer got six orders of hashbrowns. I laughed. I drank instand coffee and we talked about last night. They still have plenty of beer so they want to do it again next week, but I'll be in Hawaii.

So. Saturday morning I leave for Hawaii. I wish I could bring my laptop, but it might be nice to get away from everything for awhile. My home is haunting, living here is stressful on it's own. I'm trying to be optimistic and think that it might be a nice break from the reality of home. At the same time, the whole trip might be a nightmare. I guess I won't know till I get there. My biggest fear is gaining weight. I guess I could always lose it again when I come home, but I hate being at that state of being bigger.

But if I'm able to leave my habits - any of my habits at home - it's a miracle. I'd love a break from worrying about food, money for food, my scale. I know it will still be a preoccupation but I think it will be a bit different and maybe not so weighty(no pun intended). I realized last night as I was falling asleep in Adam's/Host of the party's bed, I didn't think about bingeing and purging once the whole party. That's huge, considering I think about it all the time: when i'm going to do it next, if i should do it where i am, ect ect.

God, pray that deciding to go on this trip wasn't a mistake. My OCD is kicking in and i'm making lists, starting to pack, mental check lists, can't sleep because i'm thinking about what i need to buy, pack, bring on the place. I guess it's better then falling asleep thinking about what i'm going to binge on tommorow.