2004-11-11, 12:40 p.m.
I'm pissed. Absolutely fuming. I want to fucking chew out Julio. Who do you talk to when you have problems with your therapist?
Julio was suppose to call my drug doctor before I saw him to talk about my current med situation, like how their going, if he thinks their helping, if I should switch. Oh, guess what, typical Julio, HE DIDN'T CALL.
Julio finally replied to my SECOND email saying OOPS, I got your first email, I just forgot to reply. If I never e-mailed him the second time, would I not see him for 7 WEEKS.And it's not just the seven weeks, I'm suppose to be trying to get into a bloody treatment center.
I'm so sick of him saying OOPS sorry. OOPS we haven't got you into a treatment center even though you were suppose to be in one LAST SUMMER, oops I didn't call your family doctor about the blood test, oops I didn't call drug doc, oops didn't reply to email. OOPS FUCKING OOPS. Doesn't he care? HELLO I'M DYING OVER HERE. Literally...
I defiently vented to my drug doc. Even though drug doc works with Julio in the same office, he said if it's not working out maybe I should see someone else. I laughed while wiping away my tears saying I've been seeing him for so long, but I'm sick of this. He asked what else Julio has flaked out on (not including not calling him) and I told him all the stuff I just bitched about above. He didn't say much, except to say if Julio did call, what would he tell him. I just kind of cried and said "What do you want me to tell you? That my life is fucking falling apart? I can't stop picking my face? That I'm depressed as hell? I want to kill myself?" He asked more about picking my face and prescribed an OCD drug for my eating disorder and the picking. He also asked about my eating habits (what I buy, how it takes over my life) and when I said I wanted to lose 10 lbs (because I was disapointed a side effect wasn't losing weight) he said "Where? in your bones? in a limb? a kidney?"
I need to call Julio's office today and rescheduel the appt I have to miss, but I'm tempted to just not call and see if he will notice. But I know he won't. And I know that will just hurt me. But I'm so fucking pissed.