30 days. Jen, Sleepy
2005-03-01, 4:47 p.m.

Tomorrow is 30 days of no bingeing, no purging, no buying binge food, all that old shit. I just said old. It sounds like such an old part of me, yet it was not that long ago, such a huge part of me, and I would not be suprised if it came back at the drop of a hat. It is still a constant thing on my mind but not a constant craving as it use to be. I can't believe I've took such a huge leap but I am no where near better. I've gone from this over eating puking machine to this restrictive distant controling freak. I lost another pound doing who knows what, since I'm eating the same. It could just be water weight or whatever but scale read 79 this morning.
I'm oh so tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately. It's hard for me to sleep in even when I can, and I find myself staying up way too late. Earlier and earlier in the afternoon I get groggy. In an hour and 45 min I'm suppose to go to a meeting but it feels like bed time. argh.
I'm really, really happy I've met Jen. I haven't felt happy like this with a person as long as I can remember. I forget there is life outside my bedroom and computer, feeling sorry for myself. She has shown me the fun of concerts, musuems, getting frozen yogurt, laughing, her weird fiends, and just hanging out. She is so encouraging and geniunly makes me feel loved. Sometimes I get so confused because I wonder what she's doing with me or why she likes me, but her constant e-mails and nice words keep me going. She's lovely. Her birthday is coming up and I want to get her something great. I'm trying to find an affordable used sewing machine but it's proving itself difficult. I'm going to keep trying the local thrift store and I'm bidding on an ebay one, but I don't have a lot of money.
I'm so sleepy. I just ate frozen yogurt..the only thing I've had all day and it's 5 PM. I would go downstairs and get popcorn but i'm too sleepy. Nap time.