2005-04-12, 11:32 a.m.
I apologize for my lack of updates. My computer has been wonky and only been working really late at night(think 1AM) and sometimes early in the morning. The odd thing is, I think it works from 11:30 PM to 11:30 AM so I only have 20 min to write this entry. Last night at 2:20 AM I tried to write this entry and my computer froze when I tried to submit. Frustrating. I'm having it looked at tomorrow, though.
I don't know how many of my readers know about my mom, but a quick explanation: she is a paranoid schziophrenic. With her illness, she thinks she is a real life witch...no exattregation. She also transformed my old bedroom into a room to practice her witch crap. It's quite ridiculous. But it's also filled with tons of real life crap she got from wicca place. She really doesn't know what she's doing because she's completely out of her mind, but she totally believes she's a witch.
Anyway, I bring this up because yesterday afternoon I went into her witch room (with a credit card because she keeps it locked) to get wrapping paper. In there I found this pouch I sewed, but never completed, that she was using for her witch crap. I had no plans for it, I gave up on the pouch because I messed up, but I didn't not want her to have it and defiently did not want her using it for her witch stuff. I just saw myself working so hard on that stupid pouch and then now she's using it for bad.
So I took it and threw it away with the rest of the stuff I was throwing away as I was cleaning my room. Later my mom found it in the garbage. She confronted me saying I shouldn't of gone in her room, that she was using that, yada yada. I explained all I said above: It was originally mine, I didn't want her having it and using it for that crap, and I told her to make her own. I then went upstairs and took it back, but this time hid it in my room.
Later, after bingeing, and in the bathroom about to purge, I heard my mom yelling. I thought it was at my brother because they usually fight at night about stupid things. Instead I started to hear the noise of my craft supplies in the hallway being thrown about. I opened the door of the bathroom, and there were beads, broken tiles, markers, and other various craft stuff scattered everywhere. My mom like a guilty child ran into her witch room.
So I did the only thing I knew how to do: I told on her. I flung open my dad's bedroom door and I yelled: "MOM RUINED MY STUFF" He was asleep, so it took a minute, then he said "What?" and I repeated. I turned away from the pitch dark room as he put his robe on and came on to confront the mess. My dad got angry fast, and at me. I explained quickly, and his anger diverted to my mom. He took big strives to my mom's witch room and pounded and shook the door knob, trying to get it open. "OPEN UP WHAT DID YOU DO I'M TIRED OF THIS CRAP" seemed to fly out all at once, but was coherant to me. I was glad he was angry at the right person, but I was also scared. He shook the door knob and yelled at my mom to come out, she yelled back "WHY SO YOU CAN KICK THE CRAP OUT OF ME?" he replied "NO BECAUSE IM ANGRY"
I suddenly felt guilty. I was crying, and I think I made myself cry to look innocent so my dad wouldn't be mad at me, but I felt bad for making him so angry. I felt bad that I woke up him and I caused all this and I wanted to tell my dad I was sorry I was ever born. Because my dad was yelling "I'M TIRED OF THESE PETTY FIGHTS BETWEEN YOU TWO" I wanted to say, it's HER not ME. But I couldn't. I just stood and watched my dad kick a hole in my mom's door.
I couldn't watch anymore, so I went into the downstairs bathroom. There I threw up my guilt.