Going through the motions
2005-09-14, 9:09 p.m.

I got a call from the admitting people at the hospital today. They said my insurance hasn't called back to approve my treatment yet, but when they do, they want me to start right away.
They want me to come in tomorrow to see the dietician, infact.
I saw my drug doctor today and after I saw him, Julio talked to me for a little. I kind of filled him in how things went yesterday with the person who interviewed me. I also wrote Julio an email after I saw her, so it was kind of filling in the blanks of the e-mail. Because Julio and I were like speaking over the front desk, he asked me to come in tomorrow morning at 10. That was nice of him. I feel like I've had so many appointments with doctors and stuff this week. It's insane. But I'm glad to go in.
There's just so much going on I really feel like this is the end of something and the start of something big. I'm so frightful. So anxious. Yet, kind of calm. Everyone is being so nice to me I'm afraid they're trying to prepare me because they know the worse is yet to come. Like Julio is getting me all these special appointments and being really nice to me because he knows were not going to see eachother for much longer. I don't know if that's the truth, but I am afraid of that possibility. I'm going to ask him tomorrow morning when I see him if I can still see him while I do day treatment. I feel like I should feel more scared or more resistant. But I'm just kind of going through the motions of answering questions and driving to appointments.