run run run
2005-12-27, 1:02 a.m.

I saw an old friend yesterday. He and I use to fool around together in his car or at the beach. I ran into him at Rite Aid and we exchanged numbers. Christmas day, we hung out in his car. I watched him skate in a couple parking lots. It was really nice. I think it was because he was stoned, but he encouraged me to draw in his sketch pad. After I filled the sheet he went over it and told me what he saw and how amazing it looked. I beamed. He offered me to smoke from his pipe so I did. I didn't feel anything but relxed but that could've been from all the cigarettes I was smoking.
I've been using my treadmill a lot since I got it. On the first day I probably walked 12 min and ran 3 minutes. Yesterday I probably ran 8 minutes and walked 22. Today I didn't go on as much because I went to the mall all day. This morning I walked for 7 minutes and ran for 3. Then this evening I walked for 13 min and ran for 2. It feels good to run. I don't have a lot of endurance so I'm trying to work my way up. I'm so desparate to get this weight off. I'm panicking because it seems like the harder I try to lose weight the more I gain or the more stubborn my weight is. I just wish I could watch the numbers on the scale drop with ease and watch myself disapear again. Instead every morning I wake up and I look exactly the same despite my hard work. It's frustrating. I ordered some thyroid pills so maybe that'll help. I hear those can be dangerous if you don't actually have a thyroid problem but like I said...I'm desparate. I haven't heard from Julio since a few days before christmas.
Tomorrow I'm going to call Dr. Kim.
And now I'm going to go to bed.