2006-02-18, 10:19 p.m.
I have amazing timing. My parents left for the movies at 7:20, meaning there movie is at 7:50. I tacked on an hour and half for the movie - 9:30, and then a 30 minute drive home. I told myself I needed to purge and clean up by 9:30. I got in the bathroom at about 9:45. I had to rush because of my timing. I purged quickly and yelled at the jujubees that decided to come out at the very end when I was tired. Heave, Heave, Heave colorful gummies then flush. I washed my face, washed my arms, and wiped the rim of the toilet. Out I flew, put the binge food in my room, put the dishes in the sink, and threw the boxes of empty food in the trash. As I put the last few dishes in the sink, I heard the garage open. I happily greeted my dad because for once when he got home, I wasn't bingeing or purging. I looked innocent. Looked.
I tell myself tomorrow I'll take ephedra so I won't have a choice whether or not to binge because I'll feel so sick. Tonight I didn't even feel like bingeing, which irritates me. I just feel incomplete if I don't and don't know how else to pass the time.
I applied for a job at Starbucks yesterday. They need morning shift - like, 4:30 AM. I figure I could work the morning till 9 oclock, go to st joes, come home and sleep, then repeat. Not only would it be income, but it would keep me from bingeing. I really hope I get the job. The assistant manager is going to call me tomorrow.
Tonight I was talking to my dad about how in the old times, you could stick your head in the oven and kill yourself. But with newer ovens, that's not even possible ( I don't even know how this came up). He explained the logic and reasoning behind why new ovens don't work that way, but I wasn't listening. I drifted off in my head thinking about turning the stove top gas on, putting a towel over my head, and trying to inhale the fumes. I saw myself passout and hit the oven and wondered what I'd want to wear before I die and how to keep myself from hitting the stove. I wanted to ask my dad if he thought you could die from the stove top gas, but thought that'd be too obvious.
I have major major cavities. My back tooth on the left has 4 big holes in it and the one on the right has 2. It's starting to hurt. I need to get this taken care of now...I can't put this off anymore. I'm going to make an appointment on Monday, I think. Oh, the repreccusions of bulimia. yay! Not to mention, my hair won't stop fucking coming out. I clogged the sink now it takes forever to drain. Whenever I purge in my bathroom and rinse my hands in the sink, the water turns a nasty color and WON'T DRAIN. Then food and barf remnants are left in the sink when it finally goes down. It's nasty. I need draino or something.