2006-04-22, 9:11 p.m.
Jesus Christ crazy times last night.
I went with a girl from program, named April, to a rave with some of her friends.
I drank so much and had so much fucking fun. I want to do it again with her next weekend. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. Me and alcohol get along well. Besides the barfing part.
My dad was really cute. I told him I was going to a rave and he pulls me aside before I leave, gives me a hug, and says if I need a ride because I drank too much, just to call.
On Thursday I admited to rita I don't feel motivated anymore. That I feel familiar in that depressive state of hopelessness and flatness. She said that it seems like I've walked a certain path since she's known me and whether I like it or not, I'm going to recover. I like that she sees so much hope and potential in me but I'm afraid she's wrong.
On Friday, I didn't hide my depression. During yoga I lied on the couch and fell asleep. Cathy bitched at me to get off the couch, as usual, but I wouldn't even humor her and lay on the mat. I just didn't want to move.
Today I purged way too many times. I feel numb and depressed and like crying. I know part of it is my body is recovering from all the alcohol and another part is I didn't sleep much. I hope I feel better in the morning.
Today is my birthday, too.