2006-05-07, 1:11 p.m.

I feel like the walking dead. Nothing matters anymore.
This morning I tried to put on my left shoe on my right foot. It took me a second to realize what I was doing. After I showered, I called starbucks to ask if the job is still an option. Basically, no. I blew it. She said I can reapply next time they're having a job fair.
So basically I have nothing. No job, no treatment, no life.
I talked to April this morning. She didn't even remember what happened. I had to explain. For some reason, I wanted her to apologize to me, but she didn't. I feel like it's my fault still.
I called Rita to ask if she can help straighten out this Del Amo thing. I'll go, but only if it's for 2-3 weeks. I left her a message and haven't heard from her. I e-mailed Julio and told him what was going on. No response.
I feel stuck down down down in a hole. Nothing matters. I have nothing. I don't know how I'm going to tell my dad I don't have the job afterall. I can't tell him I blew it. I'm fucking up everything. I am one giant fuck up.