a diary entry on meth
2006-07-04, 3:41 p.m.

i can barely type a sentence without my eyes wandering to my arms. I think I did way too much meth yesterday. I don't want to go into the details of last night because I'm so humilated with what i did. to sum it up for my tweaker short attention span brain: I went with a girl from my space to meet up with this guy from craigslist because i knew in exchange for meth he's want to get my pants and quite frankly, i'm tired of fucking guys i don't know for more than an hour and have no interest in. So we meet up and smoke some shit and and he drops us off back at my car and i feel guilty for bringing the myspace girl because it was obvious he was disapoiinted so i make out with him because i don't fucking know...because i felt guilty and wanted him to like me even though i didn't even like him i just need everyone to liek me.
so myspace girl and i go back to my car and we decide we still want to do shit and it's too early to go home. or atleast i decided that. so i call another craigslist guy and he comes picks us up. we go back to his place which was actually really cool with cool shit but this dude was a creep. he is 30 and totally perverted and kept asking us to take off our clothes or to play strip poker. myspace girl has been married for a year but was flirting with him openyl. i didn't want perv boy all over me and i was perfectly contenct playing solitare and smoking it up so i encouraged them seriously to fuck around and told them i'd watch or leave or whatever. and even though myspace girl was being a shameless flirt. she kept playing the "i'm married" card and saying she can't. and because i felt guilty because i know he was expecting sex and i screwed him over by bringing someone or maybe because i'm just a bitch and don't care what i do to others or i just don't want anyone to get mad or be upset and she was this passive attention whore so i know she wouldn't say anything.
so he kept making moves on her and she kept denying him in such a nice way he wasn't getting the hint. i played sudoku on the computer or various games of solitare. time flies in meth so before i knew it was morning.
i came home at about 7. i was so fucking sweaty and gross and smelly. my face was broken out everywhere and because i did so much meth my OCD kicked in adn i parked infront of the bathoom mirror before my shower. time went by and my dad knocked on the bathroom door to tell me my sister invited us to a bbq. he said he is leaving at 2 PM. I asked what time it was and he said 11 AM. I was in the bathroom for four fucking hours. By then i really did a number on my body. my face is covered in zits i pestered, my chest and books are black and blue and red and every square inch is covered in aggravated swollen pores. my arms are covered in bruises and swollen pores and scabs. my legs and stomach probably got the least damange which is great because i never wear anything to reveal that area. tomorrow i have an appt with laura and it's too fucking hot to wear long sleeves and my face looks hideous and my arms look like a mad woman got to them which is not far from the truth. and because i smoked so much i probabl won't sleep tonight either and will have to go to laura's appt and my appt with julio fucked up and deprived of sleep.
so basically i suck.
and this entry took me over an hour because i kept stopping to squeeze at my arms more because they aren't ugly enough.