2006-09-17, 2:47 a.m.
i have been using every night for two weeks. i haven't felt normal in two weeks. my slep is low and even on days i got sleep, my highs and lows of emotions and energy are mentally draining.
how differently i react to amounts of shit are signs of my increased habbit. it's always a habbit...i'm not addicted. and while i'm smoking till i can't get any higher, there are rare days where i feel happy and content like it use to. most days there is a lingering panic and anxiety over the days to come and how not ready i am to do them alone. Because the panic never leaves, i want to smoke more to make the awfulness go away. When it doesn't I feel like dying because i have no idea how to stop it or if it will stop. it's breaking me. The meth is breaking me. Going to a meeting would be admitting to this being a problem. I can't handle anymore problems.