2001-12-24, 2:27 p.m.

i need a good book to read. i ordered a book offline and im still waiting for it. i love to involve myself in it and ignore the world around me and forget all my problems. when i put down the book, i have to face reality. the reality should be that i have a loving mother that cares for me and wants to take me out to just "hang out" because we havent talked in so long. the reality should be my dad isnt faking our relationship and that this pretty picture hes trying to make is slowly fading. the reality shouldnt be that im depressed, im so happy that i dont even know what cutting is because im so innocent and i think "why would anyne want to do something like that?" but thats not how it is. i feel empty and alone and the only thing that gets me through the day is that i always have cutting and i always have sleep. im going to test something here..try to put a picture of me on here. i doubt that worked. anyways, im going to go occupy myself for awhile.